ACORAH!

Derek Acorah has recently come out and stated, as a categorical fact, that Madeline McCann is dead. I have readers from across the globe so I may have to explain who those people are, so to those people, hello Globeys.... yep I'm calling you Globeys. Madeline McCann is a young girl who went missing five years ago whose parents have never given up hope of finding her alive. Derek Acorah is a cunt, sorry a psychic. I don't care for the kind of sustained media circus that the McCann's situation led to, I also will make dark and horrifying jokes about anything that I can fashion a joke out of as a result of this I have said some very unkind and way over the line things about the McCanns. I have never however used this tragedy for my own shameless self-promotion. Derek Acorah has because he, like all psychics, is a complete and total toss-monkey.

I think this picture stands as evidence of the 'toss-monkey' part

Leaving aside the very real possibility, by which I mean certainty, that these people are shameless con-artists bilking the vulnerable we still have to address the fact that these people have been gifted with what is basically a super-power and use it to make money. If you know Spider-man's origin story you'll know that path ends with a dead family member. Were I to be gifted with the incredible ability to breach the walls between the realms of life and death I'd be off using my powers to solve mysteries, fight crime and generally live a life of heady adventure. I might even start a private detective agency Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) Style. I wouldn't be using it to part the vulnerable from their much needed funds.

I love that I write a thing that lets me reference shows this good

Just to clarify, there are no real psychics. If you don't like it then I'm sorry but you are opting out of science and as such I am revoking your right to use it. Seriously go live in a fucking field as a subsistence farmer and die at the age of forty. I know that some people might be reading this and truly believe that some people have 'the gift' but each and everyone of them tells a similar story. “I never believed either, but when my mother passed I went to see someone and they knew things. It was an overwhelming experience and it felt comforting.” That story actually reads like this... “When I was vulnerable I paid a guy to tell me things I wanted to hear. I was so pleased that I never really questioned his obvious cold-reading techniques.” The way these con-men work is incredibly well documented. If anyone who reads this blog is, or knows, a psychic I will happily travel to you and show you to be a liar within forty minutes. I don't understand the need though. The real proof is that all the dead seem to want to do is to help psychics prove they are psychic.

... or rescue Demi Moore from, I wanna say gangsters. I actually haven't seen it.

Never does one come through and give us incredible details as to what the afterlife is like, whether or not there is a god, which religion is correct, is there a hell... is 2Pac actually dead? Or how about this one who killed Madeline McCann? Of course that information isn't deemed important to Mr Acorah. Neither does he see the importance of reporting facts such as this to the relevant authorities. Let's keep in mind that if Mr Acorah is not a filthy lying cunt-thumper then he truly believes this data is genuine instead of going to the police as any decent human being would he went to the the papers because he is a complete git-muffin.

I don't think I can find a picture more contemptuous  than this.

I'm not one to sit around and complain and not lift a finger to fix things so instead I put forward an idea. I would like to see the law in this country changed so that you need a licence to be a professional psychic. In nearly every profession we ask that people prove they can do what they say they can. I'm not just talking about doctors, lawyers and whatnot, you get a trial contract when you start a fucking retail job... RETAIL! That's a job where you only have to put up with the insane demands of the living. So why don't we introduce some sort of licence for psychics. Obviously real psychics would have nothing to fear, just the fake ones. I mean if you a real psychic you just have to pass a few standardised tests to prove you can do what you say you can and you're free to go out and make a living from it. If on the other hand you're a con-man then you are not allowed to go around conning people. Who could possibly oppose such an idea?

Oh that's right... this cunt would.

I was going to set up an online petition to get this idea seriously considered... but lo and/or behold some precocious mother-fucker beat me to the punch... so if you think it's wrong that we have no oversight for those taking money off of the bereaved and broken go here and sign the petition to bring some regulation to this lawless industry.

eddie <I sense a disturbance in your bullshit>